Quotations
Famous Quotations
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Tim Allen Quotes
«Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.»
«Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.»
«Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.»
«Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.»
«While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.»
«Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.»