Quotations
Famous Quotations
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes
«I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slammed the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick?»
«I wrote my friend a letter using a highlighting pen. But he could not read it, he thought I was trying to show him certain parts of a piece of paper.»
«I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sh*t you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' I know this letter took a harsh turn right away.»
«I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«Say, I was on The Craig Kilbourne Show and the next day I flew to Minneapolis. I was at the airport and a guy came up. He said, 'Dude, I saw you on TV last night.' But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he just confirmed that I was on television. So I turned my head away from him for about a minute, then I turned it back. I said, 'Dude, I saw you at the airport about a minute ago. And you were good.'»
«I have a few cavities. I don't like to call them cavities, though - I like to call them 'places to put stuff'. 'Do you know where I can store a pea?' 'Yes, I have some locations available.'»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«A guy told me he liked cherries. I waited to see if he was going to say 'tomato' before I realized he liked cherries, just.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«Where are all the 'during' photos? I've never seen one.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)
«You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.»
Author: Mitch Hedberg
(Comedian)