A brief how-to essay on learning a foreign language

Learning to Speak and Read a Foreign Language Have you ever sat or stood near people speaking Spanish and get the sneaking suspicion that they were talking about you? No, you're not paranoid. In fact, you're probably right. There is only one defense that will allow you to defend yourself from being the victim of that feeling: learn the language. Learning a foreign language isn't as difficult as it's made out to be. Actually, English …

…don't know, the Spanish-English dictionary will be handy with English synonyms and the correct pronunciation. Children's books are a good way to start, but you should advance as quickly as is comfortable. There are no more steps, only practice. By this time, you will be fluent enough to defend yourself against Mexican nationalist, illegal immigrants that find that your well being is a threat to theirs. Just remember: speak softly and carry a big stick.